Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
