i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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