clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
