I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
