The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
