I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
did i just pee glitter
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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