this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
