She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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