after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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