Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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