Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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