I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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