Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
