Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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