I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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