saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
