i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize