...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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