I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We need to get me chipped asap
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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