Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
