garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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