no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
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No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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