I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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