when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
