If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
