If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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