she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
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Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
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Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.