Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
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PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
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I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.