this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
