then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.