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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals

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• (626): View more from California

  she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song

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  The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog

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• (845): View more from New York

  I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.

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  19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.

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• (516): View more from New York

  On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?

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