FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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