i need an iv and a liver transplant
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
