he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
