Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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