just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
