Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
