The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
