my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
