this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
