I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
