Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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