Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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