This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
