Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
