Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
