He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I look better un-naked...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
