If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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