I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
