It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
