i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH