Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
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I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
about cumming, not toast
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.