I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.