you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My legs feel like baby dolphins