it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
