he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
