i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
