how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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