I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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