Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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