what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
