You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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