she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
