Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize