genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
