my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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