I cut my penus on the lid.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize