dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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