CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
