he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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