He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
