saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
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Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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