Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
the liver wants what the liver wants
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
