ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
