I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
