Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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