That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
