wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
