the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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