8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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