happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What a dumb baby whore.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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