Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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