I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
