I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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