Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
