We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
