Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize