so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
