who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
