when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
