super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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