Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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