Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
