it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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