the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
