just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
