How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
