just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
